Lunch at work always makes me miss my friends. I've been working here for a year now and I could count in one hand the times that my co-workers invited me for lunch. My office reminds me of highschool all these cliques, too afraid let people in their little groups, scared of changes, intimidated by someone who is different from them. I am an outsider. However, I don't take it personally, is it just me but eating leftovers for lunch alone inside your cubicle makes you miss you friends terribly.

Still unable to talk, our apartment is like an oven! I turned on the AC last night, middle of the night I was freezing, and it didn't help that I was coughing all night. Anyhoo my day is okay can't complain, the weather is beautiful it's in the near 90's and work is not that hectic compared to last week. I had quite a weekend, first of all I was sick and second I went cosmic bowling despite my illness. A friend of mine picked me up from my house at around 8 pm, I was supposed to meet him at 4 but I called him to cancel because I wasn't feeling too good and also they were planning to go to a Lingerie Party (and wanted to drag me) which would be really bad (for me anywayse) because they were all guys and I am the only female presence. So anyway he called at around 7 and told me to get ready because he's gonna pick me up, and so he did. We went bowling at around 10 pm the bowling alley was packed but we managed to secure a lane. Bowled for a bit, lost because my partner choked in the last minute we were leading but then he just completely choked! hehehehe. After bowling we went to Bethesda because one of the guys wanted to go dancing, so someone suggested to go to the Barking Dog when we got there it was already 1:00 so we had some drinks and just hanged out 'till closing and by the way the music there sucks! it felt like a Junior High Dance with all the songs they played like Jackson 5, The Village People, even Grease! We left at about 2:30 and my friends were like man we should go to the lingerie party so off we go to try to find the house, well bad directions made us miss the party, am sure they were dispappointed (not seeing some babes in sexy lingerie) I on the other hand was thanking the heavens.

I still can't breathe properly, I was awakened this morning by this sound, it sounded like somebody was snoring, and guess who it was??? it was me! Yep due to the congested nasal passages I woke myself up with my own snoring, instead of my alarm, what a great way to start the day! Anyway the weather is still crappy, and I was thinking about the whole roommate issue, I talked to my friend last night and she was still undecided, and I also asked myself that question, should I also take the next step? should I also go back to school? I defintely want to go back to school but because I don't have enough savings and my family is not well-off I'm forced to sit on my butt 9 hours a day, seven days a week, doing such mind numbing tasks, it's all routine now, my 4 year college education has gone down the drain. I'm really confused right now part of me wants to go back to the PI and continue my studies there and another part of me says that I should stay here, continue working and saving up then go back to school and become a teacher. It's like if I go home all my efforts (finding a job, being on my own) was just a waste of time and if I stay here it feels like I'm not going anywhere, I'm just gonna be stuck here doing the same job 'till I retire. Some people might say that's I'm still young, (22) and that I still have time to do all the things I want to do, I know that, but I just feel scared that if I keep on telling myself that I would, wake up one day and realize that the 22 year old girl is now an old, wrinkly and miserable woman.

Ayayay I hate being sick. My roommate was sick last week so I guess she passed her germs to me ugh! So anyway my lease ends this coming July and I'm already starting looking for a new place, since my current rent is quite steep and also I'm really not sure if I want to be roommates with my current one, it's a long story don't get me wrong she's a very dear friend but in my opinion she's not roomie material. Well my other friend and I were talking about rooming together, we were pretty excited about it. However when I went home to the Philippines her mom told me that she was planning to move to California this June and go to school there and I was like what?! I knew she was thinking about it, but I didn't know that she's starting this June. I talked to her Monday and I asked her if we're still going to be roommates and she was like "ummm..I'm not sure I might go back to school" and I asked her when are you planning to do that, she was like I don't know. It's soooooo frustrating, she doesn't even know what to take up, she doesn't even know when, she even told me that we can still be roomies but then she might leave so she will find someone who will replace her argh! well that's an okay idea but I don't want to be left hanging so anyway I told her that I'll just look for my own place and she should have told me earlier about that. Well she knows I'm a bit pissed, I'm just annoyed and sick.

It's been a week since I left the Philippines and gosh how I miss it!

I just came back from my vacation yesterday and now I'm back to work. I was supposed to arrive here on Monday the 25th but due to unavoidable cirsumstances (it's all Northwest's fault!) I was delayed and was forced to sepnd a night in Minneapolis. My vacation was fantastic, I was able to spend time with the family and ofcourse my friends. Our town is still the same, same old people, but a lot of things also changed the mere fact that all my friends are working now made me realize how I hated being an adult. I guess I just expected too much from them and didn't really put into consideration that they have other priorities other than partying and hanging out, but I could really feel that they really tried to spend a lot of time with me and I appreciate that. I'm also happy because in the short time that I was there I was able to bond with my dad again, I haven't seen him and two years and it was such a good feeling to hang out with him and just talk to him. Sad to say I got bored, I guess just staying at home and watching TV made a bit restless but then now that I'm here even if it's been only 3 days I feel a tinge of homesickness, I guess it will pass but how I wish that I could have stayed there a little bit longer or even for good. I know that I have a good future here in the states, and that I'm lucky to have a job and to have a support system here in Virginia, I guess I just have to be strong, what does not kill you only makes you stronger right??

It's Valentine's Day and I forgot about it, I almost wore red and I suddenly realized that it's the 14th and I really don't want to wear red on a holiday that thrives on anything red (crimson, pink or whatever). I guess being single, makes you forget such events it's not a big deal aywayse what makes Valentine's day special to me is that it is my Grandma's birthday. My "lola" who in my opinion is one of the greatest cooks there is, my lola whose homecooking I miss, my lola who would allow me to cut classes and go with her to play mah jong (my mom caught me btw and I was severly punished), my lola who is such a complex person but I love her anywayse, my lola who is sick right now and I'm praying for her to get well really soon, my lola who I will see and hug again on Monday. Happy Birthday Lola thanks for everything=)..and to all you people out there Happy Heart's Day! =) I'm out

Four more days and counting, I can't believe that this coming Saturday I will be on a plane en route to the Philippines. I wasn't even sure that I could go home, there was something wrong with my ID number in the state department and they were not sure if I could travel outside of the U.S., but fortunately it was all cleared out and now I'm all set to go home. Work has been stressful this couple of weeks my computer had a virus so I really couldn't do anything at all, I'm using another person's computer, so that I could do some of my research and finish my work but lookie here I'm blogging! hehehehehe. Anywayse, I'm not sure if i could update my blog while in the Philippines (as if anybody reads my blogs!) but I'll try to check in once in a while and try to update. Four more days and I'm homeward bound =) woo-hoo!!!

I finally watched the Fellowship of the Ring last night, and I found it quite entertaining. I was kinda annoyed because I already read the book so the element of surprise has diminished, but all in all it was a pretty cool movie. I won't elaborate on that because I'm sure the people are all sick and tired of reading about the Hobbits and the Elves. So that was my evening nothing exciting but it's the lastest (11 pm) I've been out since God knows when, I'm getting old I'm telling ya. I guess I'm just reserving my energy, because I have a feeling that when I go back to the PI sleep would be a luxury, so until then I'll just be a hermit and lock myself in my apartment

My mom left last Friday and things are slowly returning back to normal. My apartment is quiet now, and I'm once again alone. We had a pretty good time, we were able to go up to New York and see old friends. I did not cry at all it was not what I expected it to be, I was okay with her leaving me, I got used to being alone. I'm a thousand miles away from my family, it's been almost two years since I left the Philippines and in less than a month I'm going home. I'm finally going home and it's such a wonderful feeling to be able to finally say that.

hilarious!!

In less than one week I'll be flying off to California! Gosh I'm so happy. Work is okay I mean work is work it becomes a routine for me, there is no real challenge I sometimes feel that college really did not help me at all, I'm afraid to admit to myself that I made a bad decision, taking up another major, a major that I thought at that time was perfect for me. I guess I was too scared to take a risk or I was just too impulsive, I wanted to be "cool" and I wanted to live the high life so to speak so I took up Marketing, and now I'm in a job which is not even related to it, in fact it is the exact opposite and the only thing that keeps me going is the reality that I'm independent and that I know what I want now. I want to be a Teacher.

My mom is coming to visit me!!!!!!!!!! woo-hoo~ man I'm so excited she couldn't come here in a better time. I'm just feeling a little depressed right now actually I've been in this deep funk for almost a month now, call it PMS call it the winter blues but I'm not feeling any better. My roommate calls it my isolation mood. There are days that I would just stare in front of the TV and would burst into tears for no apparent reason or I would just lie on my bed and just think about the reasons why being alone sucks. Sometimes being strong can be a weakness, I am guilty of that. I don't like asking people for help, I don't want people to see me cry , I don't want people to know what I feel, I want them to see me as someone who is independent and strong willed, I want them to take the first step, I want them to make the first move. I think I'm strong but I'm not I'm a very very weak person I'm an eighty year old woman trapped in a 21 year old's body

Another day another dollar, I'm so bored here at work our network is acting up that's why I can't do any work (hehehe excuses excuses)..There's a scarlet fever outbreak here in our office apparently a co-worker of mine contracted it when he went to Indonesia, he looked like crap when he was sick and the sad thing was he was still working that is why all of us were exposed to it and so far there are around 4 people who are sick right now and frankly i'm kinda feeling woozy right now which i presume is not a good sign...hmmm..nothing to report except that..better take my vitamins!

Anywayse it's October already and the leaves are starting to fall, time sure flies and sometimes i'm scared that one day I would wake up and I would still be doing the same stuff I'm doing right now except that I'll be old and wrinkly. It's been a busy month for me I mean September was a blur,went to chicago, watched the Weezer conert (which was awesome btw), I have a new niece named Kylie who looks adorable. I'll be taking my vacation in march so that I could take advantage of the one month allowed to us employees and I can't wait it's been almost two years since I've been home and I'm really excited the once so familiar sights and sounds are such a distant memory that I have to replay them over and over again at night so that I won't forget. *I wish I was homewardbound*

Anywayse it's October already and the leaves are starting to fall, time sure flies and sometimes i'm scared that one day I would wake up and I would still be doing the same stuff I'm doing right now except that I'll be old and wrinkly. It's been a busy month for me I mean September was a blur,went to chicago, watched the Weezer conert (which was awesome btw), I have a new niece named Kylie who looks adorable. I'll be taking my vacation in march so that I could take advantage of the one month allowed to us employees and I can't wait it's been almost two years since I've been home and I'm really excited the once so familiar sights and sounds are such a distant memory that I have to replay them over and over again at night so that I won't forget. *I wish I was homewardbound*

I wrote a blog last tuesday and it was not posted..ARGH!! *frustrated* I can't win!!!

It's been along while since I've last updated my weblog...i've been busy with work and stuff. I'm going to Chicago today and I'm quite excited I've never been there before so I'm hoping it's going to be fun. I don't know but lately i've been feeling kind of depressed I guess it's because my closest friends are in a relationship of some sorts and I just can't help but feel left out. I miss the feeling of being with someone. *Sigh* oh well I'd get going before I totally ruin another weekend

We went to a concert last monday nite..which one?? am not telling you!! heheheh and if I do I might have to kill you anywyase what can I say, I'm completely deaf on my right ear the screaming was horrible but worth it. The concert was sooo entertaining I mean I don't know half of the songs they sang but between the light show and the props it was all good my friends and I had a blast even if we were soaking wet from the rain it was an experience worth sharing. Another highlight of my week (so far) is the first meal we cooked in our apartment, yes I cooked and not just the one where you add water and cover for 3 minutes I cooked adobo from scratch hehehehe it's amazing and I'm quite excited about it it's a little weird (i mean the taste)but it looked and smelled like adobo and that's a start right?? It's sooo good to have real food in our fridge right now, we've been eating corndogs this past week, actually we've been eating pizza and corndogs, it's a healthy diet and for lunch I usually have ramen noodles, it has veggies in it..hmmm..talk about nutritious. I guess I'm just lazy when it comes to cooking..hmm..whatelse? that's about it it's 5 already and I'm dying to get out of the office..ta ta

It's Friday! yey! i'm so bored here at work i have tons of stuff to do but i just feel like sleeping...my roommate was out the entire night and i couldn't sleep because my room was a friggin' oven so i just slept in her room where the airconditioner was on and in full force...I don't want to be a third wheel again! I'm always the odd man out so tonight i will have to say no and not tag along with my roommate and her "boyfriend" it will such a pain in butt to tag along you know? it's like you don't have anything to talk about because they're just engrossed with one another argh!! frustrating