it's a matter of timing

6 years old over again

february 2011

---

a good friend of mine fractured his ankle over the weekend so right now he is on crutches for 4 weeks

the reason? he doesn't even know, he was too drunk to even remember what happened

anyway the moral of the story? don't maneuver the icy streets of new your while under the influence

better yet know your limits and learn how to say no to yourself

i hope he finally learned his lesson.

---

time is standing still once again

there is a certain buzz in the air, i am excited but i don't know why

humming this song

"is it real now? when two people become one"

is it friday yet?

finger play

hi

sparkly blue nail polish

courtesy of hannah :)

february 2011

---

my aunt cooked adobo yesterday and i didn't realize how much i miss it

i am having it for lunch and dinner everyday

cholesterol galore, sorry heart, stomach and liver

i will eat more oatmeal and vegetables next week but for now let me indulge

a little taste of lola's homecooking

4 day work week but it always feels like 6

i wish i could fast forward to friday

---

my guilty pleasure right now is ke$ha

shhhh...

clicked my heel 3 times and here i am...

spent 2 days listening to someone talk while trying my best not to fall asleep

it was college all over again

long beach, february 2011

---

i am so glad to be back home

long beach was nice, it would have been better if it wasn't raining most of the time

it wasn't as bad as i expected it to be, you could say the weekend was pleasant

i tried to be incognito and discreet but that plan backfired it seemed that there was a big red arrow pointing at me that the people i was trying avoid found me. surprisingly they were all pleasant, big boss even gave me a big hug it was so surreal. she kind of offered my old job back but ofcourse i politely declined, i will always be grateful for the opportunity to work for them but if i want to grow as a teacher i had to leave my comfort zone and start anew. right now i am really struggling and sometimes i feel like such a failure but talking to the other teachers made me feel better and gave me the encouragement that i needed to try a little harder, and maybe pray a little harder

--

i am currently in love with this song

such a nice little discovery

it sums up what i am feeling right now

noah and the whale, blue skies

BRB

leaving for the dreaded conference tomorrow

i have to wake up at 4 AM because our flight leaves at 6:55 and i'm carpooling with some people

ugh

i hope i don't bump into my old boss and her sidekick because that would just ruin this mini vacation

although i am looking forward to seeing old friends and catching up with them so i should just think about that instead of thinking about avoiding certain individuals.

talking to "friend" made me realize that i complain too much

so maybe i'll just shut up for now

i will see you in 2 days...

---

i wish i was going to this beach

instead of the one i'm going tomorrow

2010

live responsibly

this morning i realized that i didn't lock my door last night

very responsible, nicole

---

for valentine's day one of the student's gave me a plant normally i would leave it at school and just let nature takes its course (meaning just let it die) but then i decided to take it home so now it's perched on my kitchen window and everyday i am hoping that i will not kill it. i once killed a cactus, i killed a plant that can survive in very harsh weather conditions, i think i watered it too much or something like that. anyway let's just see how this goes so far it still looks alive *crossing fingers*

----

my mystery dish

february 2011

---

today's soundtrack:

(i don't think i'll ever get tired of this song)

"Kay tagal kong sinusuyod
Ang buong mundo
Para hanapin,
Para hanapin ka"

while we are on that subject...

i was supposed to do work

instead i got side tracked

february 2011

----

i took a nap today

i feel like it's going to be a long night

i don't want to go to long beach this weekend

i really, really don't want to go

i am watching glee as i am typing this

the blonde guy is singing justin beiber's song, baby baby

it's just too painful to watch and listen

----

if there is a song for what i'm going through right now

this would be it.

how long am i supposed to wait?

i think about you nightly

oh can you tell i'm losing sleep

what am i supposed to do

it's hard to stay cool

-can you tell, ra ra riot

faded

happy hearts day!

february 2011

---

happy birthday lola

i can't believe it has been 6 years

it's very strange that i forgot the sound of your voice but i can still remember what you smelled like (powder, perfume and cigarettes)

i remember everything about you except your voice and it makes me very sad

i miss you very much

i love you and i will always be grateful for your last gift to me, i will treasure it forever, locked away in a special place in my heart. i am glad the two of us were able to share it together. i feel blessed.

thank you for watching over us

until we meet again...

----

"You look darkly on the day
With memories to light your way
A little sad but it's all right
We are always living in twilight

No one knocks upon your door
Until you don't care anymore
A little alone but it's all right
We are always living in twilight

Living in a dream, walking in between the sunrise and sunset
Living in a dream, walking in between sunset and sunrise

You get tied up in your day, so I let go and walk away
And now we're loose ends of the night
We are always living in twilight

So it goes, though no one knows you like they used to do
Have a drink the sky is sinking toward a deeper blue
And you're still all right
Step out into twilight

So I stumble home at night
Like I've stumbled through my life
With ghosts and visions in my sight
We are always living in twilight"

-living in twilight, the weepies

underachievers please try harder

cutting hearts for 27 people is no fun, no fun at all

speaking of hearts, i almost had a heart attack today, while i was driving i saw a police car with it's lights on i really thought that i will get pulled over for speeding but then it turned out the be car next to me.

thank you guardian angel

i am going to long beach on friday and i am dreading it

why oh why am i attending that stupid conference?

---

the bar has been set

and it's pretty low

february 2011

---

fridays are fun

2008

black and white in sin city

------

watched this movie tonight

it was very simple movie and i love the animation and the little touches

the story was a bit of a downer we came out of the theater with a lot of questions

but other than that it was a pleasant experience

it was my first time watching at the crest theater in downtown

i loved the architecture and the feel of it, loved the color of the seats, which was turquoise and red orange! how cute

i wish i took pictures but i didn't want to embarrass my friend

anyway you could say it was a good end to the work week

thank you friend :)

----

"nicole, i don't want to get shot by cupid's arrow, i don't want to fall in love and i don't want to kiss girls"

aidan, 5

(side story, it's valentine's day on monday and one of my children brought in a picture with a cupid on it so ofcourse the whole class wanted to know what's that baby with an arrow so i briefly explained that he was called cupid and he's not real but long, long time people in greece believed in him. the story goes that cupid makes people fall in love. when you get hit by cupid's arrow, you won't die instead you will fall in love, so after telling that story a couple of boys came up to me and expressed their disdain over the idea of liking girls and this stood out)

----

i can't wait for summer

news from the war front

this afternoon rex and i were organizing the moveable alphabet

me: here rex do you think you can find the compartment for "P"?

rex: oh yes "P" like the "P" that comes out of your penis

me: hmmm...it seems that you are right again rex

kids say the most bizarre yet very accurate things

----

for dinner i snacked on raw ramen noodles and 4 pieces of butterscotch

i had to stop myself from opening a bottle of beer

to be healthy i decided to scrub and scour the bathroom

so now my hands smell like bleach and my bathroom looks sparkling clean

i'm going to sleep well tonight

----

unexpected development

the magic number is 3

i hope there's more to come.

----

coby and his magic box

christmas 2010

a quick update

i see squares, lots of them

2010

---

as i was watching this movie i promised myself that i wouldn't cry

however, if you know me you could probably guess that i totally broke my promise

*sniff*

---

"nicole, where is heaven?"

a very profound question coming from a 3 year old

---

i smell change

my little beacon of hope

rex and his addition strip board

notice the tongue sticking out

taken at 9:20 this morning

february 8, 2011

---

i have been second guessing myself a lot these days

there are times when i just stand in the middle of the room and think to myself "what the *bleep* am i doing here?"

i dislike that feeling of helplessness

i know, you probably think that i am just being too dramatic and that i only complain but i never do anything about it

and you know what? you are completely right

i love to talk about my feelings but when it comes to taking action i am just a big slacker

thinking about it i finally decided that i will start thinking of ways to change my approach towards my class and myself as a teacher because so far all the methods i have been using backfired on me

it will take a tremendous effort to do it and i know there will be times when i would revert back to my old habits acknowledging the fact that i need to re-evaluate my classroom management is the first step, took me 6 months but hey it's better late than never.

good intentions are always important but it is useless if you don't take action.

verbalizing and writing it down makes it very real

please wish me luck...

---

making the first move is always hard

i made my move and now it's your turn...

whatever will be, will be :)

thanks for making me smile even if it's just for a short while.

----

good intentions, toad the wet sprocket

drama fever

i am in too deep

---

i thought my killer week was over but actually there's a sequel

february is kind of kicking my butt

---

my little hell raisers were actually pretty good today, although all of that might change tomorrow

everyday is an adventure

---

cold turkey

sanity, i am getting there

malaysia, 2010

--

i miss sleep

i miss vegetables

---

i am seriously thinking about deleting my facebook account

seriously ( i just had to say it twice so that i can prove my very serious intent)

it's getting on my nerves and it doesn't help that i feel like i have to check it 100 times a day

because if i don't i will be out of the loop

i don't want messages to be posted on my wall

i want emails sent to my personal email account

if you want to know how i am doing give me a call

make it personal

it's just getting a little bit old

so in lieu of this sentiment i will delete the facebook app on my iphone to avoid temptation

i will not log in

if i get a wall post or a message i will just ignore it, if it's important they know where to find me.

---

loving this song

"No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs"

very beautiful indeed...

things that make you go yum

today at school the children and i were talking about termites

i explained to them that termites like to eat wood

ofcourse that information just fascinated rex so he spent the most part of the afternoon asking me if the termites will eat the desk or the shelves because it is made out of wood. anyway i told rex not to worry because termites prefer dead, rotting wood, and i said our tables are not old or rotting. he asked me what does rotting wood look like, so i i said it loses it's color and it becomes very dark, almost black. well at the end of the day while i was busy giving a lesson, rex comes up to me and tells me that he has blonde hair and blonde is not a color, i nodded and said you are completely right rex. then he comes closer and tells me nicole you have black hair, your hair looks like dead wood.

that was the punchline, my hair looked like DEAD WOOD.

thanks rex!

-----

today was a very bad food day for me

for breakfast i had scrambled eggs (3), 3 pieces of butterscotch and nesvita (chocolate malt flavor)

it was no that bad but the butterscotch threw me off

i didn't make lunch so i thought i was just going to grab a sandwich

then when i went to the staff room someone brought cake and pork buns

so ofcourse i just had to eat it.

i had 2 slices of cake, 1 pork bun, 1 fortune cookie, and 3 pieces of peanut candy

for dinner a friend of mine took me to this italian restaurant downtown

and since i only had junk for lunch i was starving

i ate 5 pieces of bread, canneloni stuffed with chicken, sundried tomatoes, spinach and mushrooms, soaked in bechamel sauce with ricotta and parmesan cheese and then i wasn't satisfied i had to order dessert and i chose a zabaione which is made with egg yolk, sugar and sweet wine with different kinds of berries

it was so good, i was tearing up while devouring my dinner

however after the buzz, i came crashing down

let's just say very guilty is an understatement

---

fried catfish and papaya salad i will dream about you tonight

2010

hypothetically speaking...

i was craving chinese food and then i realized it was chinese new year

absence makes the heart grow fonder

out of sight, out of mind

blah blah blah

i should stop thinking about "stuff"

----

typical lunch break

buying a bag of crickets for our toads and tarantula

oh the life of a teacher

february 2011

---

let's go back in time

if you miss the 90's

say YEAH!

every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

short and sweet

you just have to look a little closer

bangkok at dusk

2010

----

hello february!

i have a feeling that you will be a blur but don't worry i still love you

i see reds, pinks and hearts everywhere so i am fully aware that you are here

i promise not to over indulge myself with sweets in your honor because i think you deserve better than that

anyway here's to first loves, unrequited love and heartbreak

i am looking forward to you february

===

"I, I still remember
How you looked
That afternoon
There was only you
You said "it's just like a full moon"
Blood beats faster in our veins
We left our trousers by the canal
And our fingers, they almost touched

You should have asked me for it
I would have been brave
You should have asked me for it
How could I say no?
And our love could have soared
Over playgrounds and rooftops
Every park bench screams your name
I kept your tie
I'd have gone whereever you wanted

(I still remember)
(I still remember)

And on that teachers' training day
We wrote our names on every train
Laughed at the people off to work
So monochrome and so lukewarm
And I could see our days are becoming nights
I could feel your heartbeat across the grass
We should have run
I would go with you anywhere
I should have kissed you by the water

You should have asked me for it
I would have been brave
You should have asked me for it
How could I say no?
And our love could have soared
Over playgrounds and rooftops
Every park bench screams your name
I kept your tie
I would let you if you asked me"

i still remember, bloc party

it's not you it's me

today during carline i saw rex's 2 year old sister junie

junie: what's your name?

me: i'm nicole, what's your name?

junie: junie

junie: how old are you? are you 6?

me: hmmm..i'm a little older than 6

rex: she's 30

i guess when you're 2, 6 is pretty old

---

i have noticed that my patience is getting shorter and shorter these past couple of days

i would like to say it's a monthly woman thing but i don't really think so

sad to say i am slowly falling out of love

----

spring come soon

we need your warmth

2011

----

"they don't love you like i love you"

yeah yeah yeahs, maps

be still my heart

vanana yogurt + blueberries = nicole a very happy camper

----

once again i'm in love

i don't know if my heart could take it

be still my heart

first the tangerines and now the succulent blueberries

oh i know i will dream about you tonight

---

i am thankful for my busy schedule this week

because you know what they say, an idle mind breeds very dangerous thoughts

---

"And so the shattering shards of glass fell,
And glistened this way and that,
But she would say I won't find my way through the plaster;
I'm an empty hourglass in the sand,

But she loves me,
More than anyone who wouldn't speak like that.
She keeps mace spray,
For you can't rely on the common man"

-mace spray, the jezabels

a ray hope

stop haunting my dreams please

thailand 2010

--

i am not looking forward to next week

i know i should be doing some work but i am not in the mood

tomorrow i promise, i will chain myself in front of my laptop and work, work, work

---

you sort of renewed my faith in mankind

but i still have my doubts

don't get me wrong i really appreciate it

let's just hope things will get better.

---

watching garden state right now

oh the memories

---

on repeat

---

reunited

my new best friends

heine and squiddy

---

thank you for coming through

:)

sending out an S.O.S.

right now i am trying out the power of mental telepathy

to the person i am trying to communicate you better deliver

the reputation of mankind is in your hands

i'm afraid if you disappoint me i would tear my hair out and curse the heavens

and i will be never be the same again

oh boy, i thought i was ready for this (apparently not)

*sending*

---

i have always loved the postal service's song - such great heights but this morning i really listened to the lyrics and i didn't realize how beautifully written the song was.

"I am thinking it's a sign

That the freckles in our eyes are mirror images

And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned

I have to speculate

That God himself did make

Us into corresponding shapes

Like puzzle pieces from the clay"

freckles will never be the same for me, because of this song i would always think of them as constellations.

----

once again i need a stiff drink

i can't wait for this week to be over

i am so over teaching...

----

feeling homesick

so i opened a can

and had a little taste of home

falling off the wagon

i have been unfaithful and for that i am sorry

vanana yogurt you still make my heart go boom boom boom

---

my children make me want to drink- A LOT

i think i jinxed it because last week i told my supervisor how happy i am that the class has finally settled, how hopeful i am and how i am so proud of them

me and my big mouth

today was one of those days that you just want to lock yourself in the bathroom and scream

before i go to bed i will think of unicorns,puppies and rainbows so that tomorrow i would have fluff to compensate for all the chaos.

again Lord please give me strength.

----

on a very weird note, this morning while at work i felt very sick so i ran to the bathroom and threw up

i think that was a sign that today was going to be a challenge

very strange, indeed

my friend joked that i might be pregnant

yeah right and i am maria montessori.

sweet dreams...

----

once again, i heard a song that made me miss the chikiting patrol

let's go back to 1998

back in the day when we would pile up in hannah's car and drive around the city

no bills to pay, no meetings, no retirement funds

no worries.

in the mood for food

my loot

cereal, cereal and more cereal

i got lucky because these cuties are so sweet

everytime i close my eyes and i could just taste them in my mouth

so juicy, so refreshing, so sweet

i have to stop myself from devouring them

i don't know why but i just find myself making these ridiculous poems about fruits

i guess i am in a poetry spewing mood

time seems to be standing still...

i am waiting

i am hoping

please, please, please...

----

while going to work i heard live's lightning crashes the radio

took me back...

for old time's sake here it is...

great expectations

thank you sun...

2011

---

i am feeling hopeful but i know i shouldn't be.

it's like watching a car wreck, you know it's going to be ugly but you still look at it

when will you ever learn nicole?

i am scared to death

and yet i can't stop smiling...

God help me, i am going for the gold.

---

mortimer

my little mortimer in action

december 2010

just perm-tastic

in my life, i believe i have very few regrets.

i always lived by my personal mantra: no regrets

however these past couple of weeks i realized that recently, more precisely 6 months ago i made a very rash decision that resulted to this journey of self discovery. after months and months of making excuses i finally admitted to myself that i regret having my hair PERMED! i truly and utterly regret it. i miss my old, wavy, unruly yet manageable hair. i miss it so much that i look at pictures taken before perming (or B.P.) and just ache. my heart aches for straight hair. i tried cutting it but then the blasted curls just cling, like pond scum. i might take drastic measures and just cut my hair really, really short but i am still gathering the courage. anyway i just wanted to get it out of my chest. i HATE walking around like an english sheepdog with matted hair. so while i'm still thinking of a solution on how to solve this problem i guess i would just have to get used to seeing one giant hairball looking back at me every morning.

----

in between blinks

the mckinley neighborhood

2011

"Running from the street lights
Shinning on the grave
Once you've had the good stuff
Never gonna fill you up
I wanna be the one who
Gives em all the world
And gives em all a feel of it
Just a little taste of it"

-kings of leon, the end

i think i need to run

today sacramento skies were overcast and gray but much warmer
although i did see a little splash of color on the sidewalk, i wonder what happened to the owner of this pair?

while walking i saw:

two old ladies holding hands - finding true love at last?
a huge labrador biting on a soccer ball crossing the street - interesting?
empty egg shells under the bridge - must have been hungry

p.s. i need to stop watching confessions: animal hoarding
p.p.s. back to work tomorrow, oh Lord please give me strength

-------

ode to my tomato

oh such a lovely tomato!
so plump and juicy it felt like a crime chopping you up
now you are swimming in the pot, bubbling and boiling
my plump juicy tomato

KOL

"i won't ever be your cornerstone"
i have been listening to their new album over and over again
and now i am craving cigarettes

oddities

wonder twins

december 2010

----

hello 2011

the jury is still out on you...

i am not so keen about odd numbered years, i don't know why, but odd numbers just seem to be...well....odd

i did not go to work today, i didn't expect to get sick this early in the year. it's been quite cold here in sacramento no to mention i deal with germ carriers (a.k.a. children) every day

when you're sick you miss you family even more.

what i wouldn't give for someone to make soup for me.

wishful thinking

i want to lie down on the grass and look at the clouds

--

on a different note

i need to make a list of all the lists that i should make

am i making sense?

it's beginning to feel like panic

uh oh i got carried away

i guess it's curry for lunch and dinner until the 22nd

---

rex: salvador don't step on my paper you'll damage it!

sal: things don't get damaged, only people get damaged

you dig?

--

i hear jingle bells and frosty the snowman everywhere i go, when i take a shower, when i am about to sleep, when i am walking let's just say i can't wait for this week to be over.

---