Hello world how are you today? Been meaning to write but i always end up erasing it. Tired is what i feel...Good night world. I wish you pleasant dreams

the worrywart in me...

summer is finally here...

no more pencils, no more books, no more screaming "no snack for you today!" 3 weeks of pure bliss. i know in the first day i will say to myself "this is great!", and then second day rolls in and i might show some signs of cabin fever, however on the third day i will guarantee you that i will be tearing my hair out bored out of my mind. that is why i stacked up on trashy romance novels, my must have summer reading as well unwatched episodes of my dramas. i feel like i really need this break. for the past couple of weeks i have been missing my old life. i miss living in the city and having my friends around me. i miss the weekends when i would just hop on the bus to go to new york to visit vans, ina and nino. i miss the feeling of walking around my neighborhood and having a cup of coffee after work with my friends. i miss my cramped apartment and its broken elevator. i miss being 25.

my mom had a cancer scare a couple of weeks ago. when she told me about it the first thing that came to my mind was that she will never get to see her grandchildren. of all the things that i can think of i thought of grandchildren i think it is my biological clock ticking loudly. i just remembered standing in front of the sink, washing my plate and sobbing uncontrollably just thinking over and over again that my mom won't live long enough to hug her grandchildren. anyway i haven't told my mom about this i don't know what her reaction will be. i feel that she might be amused as well as a little bit concerned about my feeling pressured to produce an offspring. like is said oh to be 25 again!

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have a great summer!
july 2009

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sunday.

shoes
new york
2009

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melancholy - it's that feeling you get when you hear a song that makes you want to be 16 again

wistful - that's what i feel when i look at pictures of that certain individual who made me so happy yet so inadequate at the same time. oh to be young and in love

bewildered - after everything that has happened in my life this past year with all the false alarms and the panic i am still where i feel that i am supposed to be. miracles are given is small dozes i suppose.

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miss impulsive strikes again...

yesterday while lining up to exchange our cable box i just decided to subscribe to the filipino channel. i finally did it! so now as i am typing this entry i am also watching cheesy starlets singing cheesy pop songs. instead of going out with akiko to meet new people in the city i chose to watch asap and cook while wearing my pajamas.

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I have reached an all time low. I am currently using my cellphone to blog while my laptop is in front of me...

a little note to myself

january 3, 2009

this too shall pass...

right now i am just living my life one day at a time. i feel that if i think too much about my future i will just end up feeling frustrated, disappointed and worse a complete and utter failure. i have learned how to accept whatever life throws at me, i am already so battered and bruised that i think one more curve ball won't even make a difference. if this happened to me when i was in my early 20s i don't know what i have done. everyday i am thankful that i have such a supportive and loving family. my friends who are always encouraging me and listening to whatever ramblings i might have. anyway this is not intended as a sad entry but instead a reminder to myself that despite whatever BS i am going through i am still blessed.

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old school
1983

Friday Funday

today at school i gave my camera to two of my children and asked them to take pictures around the playground. the results were amazing, i did not expect them to take such great pictures. today is is just one of those days that you wish would last forever, this beats sitting inside the office 8 hours a day...

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pictures courtesy of kelli (5) and curtis (5)

tire
shoot and run
run

hanging around
nature's jungle gym
crazy teacher who aged 10 years

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Freedom

puerto rico
2006

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a lot of things were bothering me these past couple of weeks. to say that i was stressed was an understatement. fast forward to today, all those issues have been resolved and now i am somewhat free. now i feel really weird, i am not used to this "freedom". last night i woke up a couple times looking for the familiar knot in the pit of the stomach instead i felt nothing. i have been in an anxiety ridden existence these past couple of months that i forgot how it felt to have a worry-free life. anyway i should not complain but it's just a completely different feeling. i wish my life was a musical so that i could break out into a song and dance routine without looking like a crazy person.

a little ray of sunshine in an otherwise gloomy day:

anna: ms. a do you have a house?
me: yes
anna: do you have parents
me: yes i have parents
anna: what is your mommy's name?
me: tina
anna: what is your daddy's name?
me: ed
me: what is your mommy's name?
anna: she does not have one.

the weekend

flew to DC for the weekend, not a smart move.

i basically did not sleep the entire 4 days so now i feel like i am having an out of body experience. 5 minutes ago i hit my head against the wall thus leaving a lovely bump on my forehead. so now i think i found a cure to exhaustion and that is banging your head against a concrete wall, if that won't wake you up i don't know what else will.

it's weird being in DC. i was gone for almost 2 years but it felt like i've been away for only a week.

i got a little wake up call this weekend. my faith has been tested this past two years, a little incident on friday set me right back on track. there really are angels here on earth.

it's nice to be back in california although i had to convince myself as i was riding the cab to the airport.

today i feel blessed.

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k street, NW
washington, dc
2/15/09
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