Thursday, April 22, 2010

in transit

oceania
by: D
san mateo, ca
4/20/10


"I'm in transit
But I'm stranded on this boat
And I pledge myself allegiance
To a better night's sleep at home"

fader, the temper trap

-------


moving again, hopefully this time it won't be as painful as the previous 9. 10 years, 9 addresses, you do the math.
just when i thought "this could work out, it's not that bad", i find myself thinking...dispose or keep?
boxes, boxes and more boxes
3 posts in a month, my my we are making progress here





Monday, April 19, 2010

sweet disposition


hello,


all day long this has been a constant repeat inside my head. i am reminded of sunny days, road trips and ice cold beer.

also a lovely new discover
y. summer is just around the corner :)

simple things like these makes me happy. at this very moment i feel like everything is where it's supposed to be. today is a good day.

i hope you are happy too...

---------

wired
april 2010



Sunday, April 18, 2010

a thought bubble


"you can't marry your daddy or your cousin, you should marry a stranger" -Angelina, 5 years old

goofing around
washington, dc 2005
the will to my grace, my spare tire :)


---------------

i have been thinking a lot about the past recently. it's that time of the year when i start listening to 90s rock and reminisce about the past. i find myself reading my old journals before i go to bed. it has been an interesting experience--going back in time. my 30 year old self reading about my 20 year old self's dreams and frustrations, not to mention opinions about love and my future. if i have a chance to meet the younger nicole i would assure her that everything turned out fine and that in the end all those meaningless worries and fears were just that...meaningless. i would also tell her that 30 is not as bad as she might think, yes i still live in an apartment and watch a lot of television, sometimes i eat a cupcake for breakfast or eat cereal for dinner and yes i am still single but i have finally come to accept the fact that it is okay. i would tell her that you will meet a person that would break your heart so bad that all you would want to do is lie in bed and disappear. i would tell her to hug lola 10 times more and tell her i love you instead of i hate you. i would tell her to keep her faith and not be scared to take risks and finally i would give her a big hug and thank her for never giving up hope despite all the curve balls life has thrown at her.




Saturday, April 10, 2010

SOS

they say everyday you learn something new. today i learned not to paint my toes while sitting on the floor and putting your red (and I can't emphasize it enough) RED nail polish on top of your laptop because chances are your left hand will knock it over thus spilling RED nail polish on your semi clean white carpet. after the initial panic i then proceeded to pour nail polish remover on the stain and scrubbing it with a paper towel. nail polish remover was not enough i then sprayed bleach and used a sponge to try to get the stain out. Instead of going away the stain became this huge blotchy thing and i think i am a little bit high from the fumes. So now my bedroom looks like a crime scene with a huge red stain on the floor. it looks like i killed a chihuahua while in a drug induced hallucination. no excuse me while i go find something to eat i have a serious case of the munchies. until then...

----------

"When I get up in the morning, put the kettle on
Make us some coffee, say hey to the sun
Is it enough to write a song, and sing it to the birds
They'd hear just the tune, not understand my love for words
But you would hear me and know...

I want only this
I want to live
I want to live a simple life
"

-simple life, the weepies


Sunday, September 13, 2009

Hello world how are you today? Been meaning to write but i always end up erasing it. Tired is what i feel...Good night world. I wish you pleasant dreams

Monday, July 13, 2009

the worrywart in me...

summer is finally here...

no more pencils, no more books, no more screaming "no snack for you today!" 3 weeks of pure bliss. i know in the first day i will say to myself "this is great!", and then second day rolls in and i might show some signs of cabin fever, however on the third day i will guarantee you that i will be tearing my hair out bored out of my mind. that is why i stacked up on trashy romance novels, my must have summer reading as well unwatched episodes of my dramas. i feel like i really need this break. for the past couple of weeks i have been missing my old life. i miss living in the city and having my friends around me. i miss the weekends when i would just hop on the bus to go to new york to visit vans, ina and nino. i miss the feeling of walking around my neighborhood and having a cup of coffee after work with my friends. i miss my cramped apartment and its broken elevator. i miss being 25.

my mom had a cancer scare a couple of weeks ago. when she told me about it the first thing that came to my mind was that she will never get to see her grandchildren. of all the things that i can think of i thought of grandchildren i think it is my biological clock ticking loudly. i just remembered standing in front of the sink, washing my plate and sobbing uncontrollably just thinking over and over again that my mom won't live long enough to hug her grandchildren. anyway i haven't told my mom about this i don't know what her reaction will be. i feel that she might be amused as well as a little bit concerned about my feeling pressured to produce an offspring. like is said oh to be 25 again!

----------
have a great summer!
july 2009

--------------
Show all

Sunday, May 03, 2009

sunday.

shoes
new york
2009

----------

melancholy - it's that feeling you get when you hear a song that makes you want to be 16 again

wistfu
l - that's what i feel when i look at pictures of that certain individual who made me so happy yet so inadequate at the same time. oh to be young and in love

bewildered - after everything that has happened in my life this past year with all the false alarms and the panic i am still where i feel that i am supposed to be. miracles are given is small dozes i suppose.

--------

miss impulsive strikes again...

yesterday while lining up to exchange our cable box i just decided to subscribe to the filipino channel. i finally did it! so now as i am typing this entry i am also watching cheesy starlets singing cheesy pop songs. instead of going out with akiko to meet new people in the city i chose to watch asap and cook while wearing my pajamas.

-------



Thursday, April 23, 2009

I have reached an all time low. I am currently using my cellphone to blog while my laptop is in front of me...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

a little note to myself

january 3, 2009

this too shall pass...

right now i am just living my life one day at a time. i feel that if i think too much about my future i will just end up feeling frustrated, disappointed and worse a complete and utter failure. i have learned how to accept whatever life throws at me, i am already so battered and bruised that i think one more curve ball won't even make a difference. if this happened to me when i was in my early 20s i don't know what i have done. everyday i am thankful that i have such a supportive and loving family. my friends who are always encouraging me and listening to whatever ramblings i might have. anyway this is not intended as a sad entry but instead a reminder to myself that despite whatever BS i am going through i am still blessed
.

{{{{{{{

old school
1983

Friday, February 20, 2009

Friday Funday

today at school i gave my camera to two of my children and asked them to take pictures around the playground. the results were amazing, i did not expect them to take such great pictures. today is is just one of those days that you wish would last forever, this beats sitting inside the office 8 hours a day...


----------
pictures courtesy of kelli (5) and curtis (5)


tire
shoot and run
run

hanging around
nature's jungle gym
crazy teacher who aged 10 years

------------



Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Freedom


puerto rico
2006

-------



a lot of things were bothering me these past couple of weeks. to say that i was stressed was an understatement. fast forward to today, all those issues have been resolved and now i am somewhat free. now i feel really weird, i am not used to this "freedom". last night i woke up a couple times looking for the familiar knot in the pit of the stomach instead i felt nothing. i have been in an anxiety ridden existence these past couple of months that i forgot how it felt to have a worry-free life. anyway i should not complain but it's just a completely different feeling. i wish my life was a musical so that i could break out into a song and dance routine without looking like a crazy person.

a little ray of sunshine in an otherwise gloomy day:

anna: ms. a do you have a house?
me: yes
anna: do you have parents
me: yes i have parents
anna: what is your mommy's name?
me: tina
anna: what is your daddy's name?
me: ed
me: what is your mommy's name?
anna: she does not have one.


Monday, February 16, 2009

the weekend

flew to DC for the weekend, not a smart move.

i basically did not sleep the entire 4 days so now i feel like i am having an out of body experience. 5 minutes ago i hit my head against the wall thus leaving a lovely bump on my forehead. so now i think i found a cure to exhaustion and that is banging your head against a concrete wall, if that won't wake you up i don't know what else will.

it's weird being in DC. i was gone for almost 2 years but it felt like i've been away for only a week.

i got a little wake up call this weekend. my faith has been tested this past two years, a little incident on friday set me right back on track. there really are angels here on earth.

it's nice to be back in california although i had to convince myself as i was riding the cab to the airport.

today i feel blessed.

-----------
k street, NW
washington, dc
2/15/09
-------------



Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Spurts

hello blog, hello world it's been a while.

i made a promise at the beginning of 2008. i promised to write more. in retrospect i intended to do it, but the procrastinator in me won (as usual).

ever since i moved to california, i can't seem to write anymore. i don't know if it's the weather, my new lifestyle, my work or too much korean dramas (i blame the dramas and old age).

this year i am turning 29, which is quite an odd year to be at. it's like i'm too old to wear super tight t-shirts yet too young to wear "adult clothes" (i can't give you an example because everytime i think about it pant suits pop in my head). anyway i'm on the brink off my 20s it's a bit scary but last i heard 30 is the new 21 or something like that.

no interesting people and observations to write about. i blame having a car.

miss you lots, i won't make promises to you anymore because i seem to break it all the time. promises, they say are meant to be broken however i feel like a mom who asked you to wait for me at the cereal aisle while i get a shopping cart and never came back because i ran off with my alcoholic boyfriend named leon.

this is a start i suppose...


{{{{{{{{{{{{{

getty museum
los angeles, ca




Saturday, October 11, 2008

milking it

lunch time, wedensday

miss a: curtis please finish your milk
curtis: i don't want to
miss a: i believe you are 5 now right? so you have to finish your milk
curtis: i want to be 4
miss a: well you still need to drink milk
curtis: i want to be 3
miss a: the more you need to drink milk
curtis: i want to be 10
miss a: you need milk to strengthen your bones
curtis: i want to be 18
miss a: the older you get the more you need calcium for your bones curtis, so please drink your milk
curtis: i want to be a dog
miss a: dogs still need to drink milk
curtis: i want to be a cow
miss a: cows also drink milk, it even comes from them
curtis: *looks around* i want to be a flower
miss a: *taken aback (how do you top that?) ummm... okay go ahead and clean up

*that child should be a lawyer






still life
monterey bay aquarium
2008

-------------------------------------------




















Tuesday, September 30, 2008

the sweetest thing

mom and pops
carmel by the sea, CA
april 2008

while we were preparing to go for a walk around the neighborhood josh, a 5 year old boy in my class blurted out "Ms. A I wish you had more hands so that you can hold all of our hands". at the end of the day, when i feel like giving up this is what keeps me going.

i am still playing the waiting game...

sorry for the cryptic messages, once everything settles maybe i will be in the mood to explain.

"i'm okay" i have been saying these for the last couple of months and i am starting to believe it.


Sunday, August 17, 2008

and so it begins again...


.............

moving again, hello boxes, goodbye room

i am so tired of packing i think the longest i have stayed in one place was 3 years other than that it seemed that i was moving every year. to think i was quite optimistic about 2008, i even compared it to a warm, soft grandmother but guess what like in the stories i tell my children she turned out to be the wolf in disguise. anyway someone asked me this question a couple weeks ago, he asked me what was the most important thing in my life right now, and without even thinking i answered: stability. stability is at the top, nothing even comes close to it. if you ask me where i see myself 5 years from now i would tell you point blank i do not know, what about a year from now? i will still answer you the same thing i do not have a clue, i don't even want to think what will happen in october and that is 2 months away. i guess for now i will just have to concentrate on putting my life in boxes for the nth time, unpacking, getting used to an unfamiliar place and when that place feel a little bit like home pack up and move again.

................

Follow you home, you've got your headphones on and you're dancing
Got lucky, beautiful shot you taking everything off watch the curtains wide open
Then you fall in the same routine flicking through the TV relaxed and reclining
And you think you're alone...

Why do you have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

imogen heap, good night and go

...................


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

my little discovery...




coby
las vegas, march 2008

.............

currently listening to: haru haru - big bang


homesick... thank god for this website now i have a little piece of the philippines. my current obsession aside from the usual melodramas, the korean variety show and sharon cuneta movies is the awesome show called imbestigador. mike enriquez you should run for president, from people whose identity has been stolen to shirtless guys making dentures and retainers for an unsuspecting lot nothing escapes him. from the cheesy music to the weird way he talks, it's so over the top that it's good. you can say i am a big fan of "over the topness" if there is such a word. i was making fun of my cousin whose favorite show is america's most wanted and cops, if she only knew about this secret of mine, i will never hear the end of it.

my roommate and i are currently in a frenzy over this guy :

takenouchi yutaka
*drool*
(photo courtesy of: http://www.ken-on.co.jp/takenouchi/)

a happy thought courtesy of my children:

amanda - eyes as big as saucers and is whispering to us in a conspirational tone: "you know guys when i was watching tv in my room..." pauses for dramatic effect
me: yes amanda? what did you see?
amanda: i saw a BOYGIRL!
me: a what?
amanda: a boy girl
wilbert: what's a boy girl?
amanda: a boy that looks like a girl
wilbert: ahhh, you know what sometimes i think my dad is a girl.
me: can you please pass me the milk

..............




Sunday, July 27, 2008

a confession of some sort...


................

last night, in the dark i watched a movie that i have been dying to watch for a long time. i was lucky enough to find it online and even though i had to wake up early the next day i just had to watch it. the cinematic masterpiece i searched fervently for was the 80's gem dear heart. yes, dear heart the movie every sharonian (and for my case closet sharonian) should watch. the story is about a girl, april
(or EP-REL as eddie garcia would pronounce it) a rich girl with a very protective father and a young man named jimmy who is the bastard son of a mining tycoon ( i always wanted to write "a bastard son of a mining tycoon", sounds very grown up). basically the storyline is so predictable that you would know what was going to happen just by watching the opening montage (and that was sharon riding a horse in baguio).

girl meets boy, girl does not like boy, girl and boy bicker (in taglish...."i'll make palo your head" blah blah blah), girl and boy fall in love, *cue montage* with girl and boy chasing each other on the beach, girl wearing jeans while swimming, father of girl is against the relationship, girl and boy got stranded in the mountains, girl's dad calls police, girl got grounded does not want to eat, boy was thrown in jail, boy's dad finally acknowledges his son, bails him out, girl's dad finally realized what an ass he was, says sorry to girl, throws a lavish 16th birthday party for daughter, makes a cheesy speech something about a golden girl in a golden cage (he lost me after the golden cage), boy appears in a tuxedo asks girl to dance, they hug. the end.

the reason why i love watching 80s tagalog movies it's over the top. it oozes with melodrama, cheese, bad hair and make up. i love the dialogue with corny english phrases scattered in it (your ANG-KEL perised in a plen kras). i love how easy things work out for the characters, the reversal of fortunes. i love how it reminds me of lazy summer days and in some weird way bananacue and turon.


..........................


naptime, april 2008

...................

"But if you left it up to me
Everyday would be
A holiday from real
We'd waste our weeks
Beneath the sun
We'd lie and tell our friends
It's so much fun out here
When it's all over
I'll come back for another year"

Holiday from Real, Jack's Mannequin

......................




Wednesday, July 23, 2008

everything i know i learned from the playground


getty museum, los angeles

.........

love according to amanda, 4 years old:
"when you get married, make sure it's with someone you love, not like"

marriage according to andrew, 5 years old:
"i want to get married so that i can get a ring" i want to get married 10 times so that i can get 10 rings"

parents according to wilbert, 4 years old:
"i am sometimes scared of my dad because i sometimes think he's a girl"

..........

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

a day in the life of...

palace of fine arts
san francisco

........................

discovered books again. it's like seeing a very dear and old friend.


a day in the life of...:

erika *holding up a picture of tulips*
me: those are tulips
erika: tulips
me: yes tulips have you seen these in the garden?
erika: yes i have tulips at home, they are red
me: really?
erika: yes (then she put her hand on her mouth, pretending like she is holding something) tulips (rubbing her mouth) i have a red one
me *puzzled look*
erika: tulips (still doing that action) i have a red one
*ding*
me: ooooooooohhhhhh erika tulips are flowers, what you put on your lips is called LIPSTICK
erika: *nods* yes tulips *and goes away*

it took me a while to figure out why she associated tulips with lipstick and then i realize ahhh tu-LIPS!

.............

Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

chasing pavements, adele






Sunday, July 20, 2008

life is like a box of jelly beans...you wonder who the heck
thought that jalapeno would be a nice addition to an otherwise
great bunch.

...................................

current addiction: this korean tv/reality show


yesterday i saw one of the saddest things i have ever seen, 2 middle aged women drunk at 8:00 pm crossing a busy intersection. what is more sadder than 2 women trying desperately to hold on to their inner queen bee, sorority 20 year old selves? knowing that they have a much exciting social life than a 28 year old single girl.

summer is almost over so that means that school is starting *hooray* -- can you tell that i am being sarcastic? don't get me wrong i love my children, i love teaching however, it's the constant "ms. A. MW is not my friend!" or "Ms. A, she hit me!" or *blag* WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" that drains me of all my energy. with all the constant negotiations and peace talks i have to do all through out the day i should be able to work for the united nations. cleaning up vomit, pee and the dreaded number 2 has been added to my job description and possibly my resume. basically what i am trying to say is that whoever is looking for a peace negotiator that can sanitize and clean up vomit, pee and the dreaded number 2 i am the girl for that job.


.......................

"Hey remember that time when my favorite colors were pink and green? Hey remember that month when I only ate boxes of tangerines? So cheap and juicy, tangerines...
That Time, Regina Spektor

..........................


Tuesday, July 08, 2008

got carried away...
december 2007
christmas presents for my first montessori class



"everyone has a car, people who don't have cars are dead"
this quote is courtesy of my very outspoken 4 year old E in class today.

one time 4 year old M asked me "ms. a why are you alone?" and as if it was not clear enough he had a follow-up question "i mean why don't you have a kid?" i wanted to answer him, my dear boy it's because i am too busy watching my dramas instead of going out and meeting other people and also the stability that i am praying for is still an illusion, so please don't ever ask me that question again because it seems that everyone and their mother is asking me the same thing but instead i replied: "M, do you want to have a lesson?" distraction, it always works.

___________________________________________________________________
Well actually I've got friends who (la la lie)
Will help me pull through (la la la lie la la la lie)
The spaceman that can't get high
I'm coming back to my girl by July
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jack's Mannequin, La La Lie
____________________________________________________________________________

Monday, July 07, 2008

ms. A. according to Curtis
04/18/2008
(Yes, my head is that big)


sentimental, that's what i feel today. looking at pictures taken 1, 3 even 5 years ago does not help either. it's weird seeing yourself grinning ear to ear with your arm around people who are now considered acquaintances instead of friends. it's sad to see the old place you used to call home, the old haunts you know so well are now just mega pixels and memories.

tired was what i felt yesterday. coming back from a weekend with my family playing rockband on wii, i needed another vacation to recover from the vacation.

tomorrow, maybe tomorrow would be a little bit better. if things go my way i might be even happy.



"When it's quiet, does she hear me? Jettisoned to the center of the storm And I'm thinking I Prefer not to be rescued"
Rescued, Jack's Mannequin

Friday, January 04, 2008

________________________________________________________________
hi,

new year's resolutions, i don't have any however i did promise myself that i will make an effort to write more in my journal. i think not having a desk and not having a reason to pretend that i am actually working affected my entire routine. anyhoo i just checked blog-city and it seems that my blog site no longer exists. 4 years worth of entries gone in an instant. 4 years of my life lost in cyberspace.

2008, i like the way it looks. it looks soft, round like your grandmother soft to the touch and radiates warmth when you hug her.

stability is the only thing i wish for in 2008. no more packing, unpacking, saying goodbye, tears, homesickness and "i am new here so i don't really know what to do" answers.

so here's to stability and routines. to children's runny noses and scraped knees. to lesson plans and the embarrassment of singing in front of the entire class. here's to the life i chose to live...

happy new year!

much love,
nicole
_________________________________________________________________________________


2007 in a nutshell

________________________________________________________

to hell with it
i'm going to have a party

i had the blankest year
i saw life turn into a tv show
the person i knew
i didn't really know

time don't move
we're the only ones who do
bending reason
coz it's all we hold on to

nada surf, blankest year

Saturday, December 08, 2007

i blinked and it's december already.




i think i forgot how to write. i blame grad school and the horrid research papers i had to spew out. i blame the instability of my life right now.

lunch conversation with my 4 year olds on friday:

J (Girl): I really like you W! Do you like me too?
W (Boy): I like A, E and J hmmm... I guess I like you too
J: Really?! *hugs W*
J: Do you like R too?
W: I like you
J: What about R?
W: I said I like you
J: and R?
W: Okay I like her but only a half tank (holds up index finger and thumb), not a full tank
R: *oh*

Story of my life re-enacted by 4 year olds.

___________________________________________________________________________________

It's good to be in love
It really does suit you
Just like everything
I'm happy you're in love
'Cause every color goes where you do

It's good to be in love, Frou Frou


____________________________________________________________________





Sunday, September 16, 2007

things are looking up don't you think?


"ms. a after i go pee pee do you think we can talk about what animals eat?" who would have thought that this line would turn out to be the highlight of my day? despite the self doubt, the stress, the exhaustion and the recurring dream of being swallowed up by a huge wave i can truly say that this is what i want to do for the rest of my life. it is amazing to think that it has been only a year since i turned my back on cubicles, copiers, toners, lunch meetings, overtime, time sheets, work shirts, pumps and packed lunches yet it feels like it was a lifetime ago. have you ever had a dream so vivid that you actually find yourself saying that a dream this vivid i surely will not forget but then the minute you open your eyes all you have left are hazy images? well it is kind of like that.

i am rediscovering pete yorn, oh to be 22 again...

_____________________________________________________________________________________
"Calls him every day, He took a kind of vacation, Was heading for something, Won’t leave her alone

sleep better, pete yorn
____________________________________________________________________

Sunday, September 09, 2007

blue skies
_____________________________________________________________________________________

To make a mountain of your life
Is just a choice
But I never learned enough
To listen to the voice that told me..
Always love… Hate will get you everytime
Always love… Don’t wait till the finish line

Slow demands come 'round
Squeeze the air and keep the rest out
It helps to write it down
Even when you then cross it out

But Always Love… Hate will get you every time
Always Love… Even when you want to fight


-Always Love, Nada Surf
____________________________________________________________________

hi,

i miss writing. i wanted to write but then life happened...

anyway it has almost been two months since i moved to california from the east coast. california is slowly creeping into my heart kind of like a mosquito buzzing around your ear, at first it annoys the hell out of you but in the long run it becomes soothing that you forget that it is there. sorry for the really lame metaphor but i just saw a bug flying around my apartment so i thought it would be cool to blog about it. anyway i am exploring my area when i have time and i am glad to discover little surprises a long the way. i have a good feeling about this. california i am starting falling in love with you...

on the work front, i am enjoying every minute i spend with the children although i might say it is tougher than i thought. i often ask myself if i am doing the right thing or am i competent enough to teach them. i am a little bit stressed out. i keep telling myself it is only the second week of school and we have a whole year to work on things. this job needs a lot of organization which apparently i don't have the skills for and so this is one of the things that i really work on. the little system that i currently have cannot handle the level that i need to keep me sane. i need to have mad skills, like martha stewart sans neurosis.

on the personal life front, it's okay i got to spend some quality time with family which i did not have the chance to do when i was in the east coast. i have met a couple of nice people no new friends though, but i am really glad that at least akiko is here so it does not really bother me that much. hmmm..whatelse i think that's it, no major crisis, no drama, no earth shattering events. it is just the way i like it...

anyway have a good week ahead of you.

much love,
nicole






Sunday, June 03, 2007

everything happens for a reason...

this time last year i found myself scrambling around trying to pack 6 years of my life into boxes. 5 boxes, 3 suitcases and a couple of garbage bags, it is weird to see your life broken down that way. i came to the US at 20 telling myself that DC was going to be my second home. DC indeed became my home away from home it was where i spent most of my youth, it is where i learned not to mix my red shirt with the whites, where i learned that raid is the best way to kill roaches or that my neighbor down the hall is not that scary he just loves to blast his music use pinesol like it's water. it is the city that i love and will love until i become a little old lady with cats.

so with thoughts like that racing through my mind no wonder it took me almost an hour just to click the purchase button for a one way ticket going to california. one click was all it took to change my life forever. no turning back i suppose...

"i am moving to california" saying it out loud makes it more real. next month i am once again moving away from my friends, my home, my comfort zone.
i'm a jumble of emotions; anxiety,panic, excitement, panic, dread, panic,happiness, panic, hopeful, panic and more panic.

7 years of my life in boxes now that will be quite a sight to see...




san francisco here we come!









Wednesday, May 30, 2007


main street
ellicott city, MD

Friday, February 28, 2003




i decided to move my blog to another location. changes are being made.

Wednesday, February 26, 2003



my highschool years was spent inside a convent, no i was not pregnant nor was i a troubled teen, i went to school there because it was written in the stars, it's all about keeping up with the legacy of my ancestors, you know tradition and all that crap. so anyway, in my first year of highschool, the whole grunge movement suddenly arrived to our tiny island of iloilo (it was in 1992), we embraced it with open arms, suddenly our nkotb records were replaced by pearl jam and nirvana, for the "less angry" alternative (more acoustic guitar based songs) was the way to go, suddenly we were not kids anymore, we became more aware of our surroundings not just involved with ourselves, there is a big world outside and we were stuck inside the four corners of the convent and conform to the principles of the nuns that run our school. we began to bring walkmans to school and our allowance was spent on tapes i met my close friend for almost 10 years because of our common love for East 17 and vanessa paradis (i still cringe everytime i remember this) , music was the only way for us to express what we truly feel inside, for a generation brought up by tv we were enthralled by the introduction of cable tv and would watch mtv 24/7. for some people highschool is a period in their lives that they would want to erase, for me highschool molded me into the person i am today, all my quirks, my insecurities and my hang ups without all of these my life wouldn't have been such an interesting journey.



it's very hard to choose which ones should be in the list, it should be more than 5 however, these albums below really stand out, because when i put these records on i usually have this weird feeling that i am still wearing my plaid skirt and necktie eating banacue and drinking funchum while waiting for the bell to ring. anyhoo here are the 5 albums (and songs) that accompanied me throughout my highschool years.


Gin Blossoms - New Miserable Experience
i first heard about the gin blossoms while i was watching mtv, adam curry was the vj for the us top 20, it was 6 in the evening on a saturday and i was home alone. "hey jealousy" was in the countdown i think it was number 12, it was 1993, i was growing my hair and had attitude problems. religion class was kicking my ass my grades were pretty bad but i didn't care, highschool's fun i said to myself. the following week when i got my allowance of 100 pesos (about $2) i immediately purchased their record a cassette tapes costs 90 pesos at that time so i had make do with 10 pesos for the whole week. a friend of mine thought that the song was titled "hey chelsea" laughed at her behind her back and didn't even have the decency to correct her, god i was such an immature snob .

Nirvana- Unplugged
learning to play the guitar was the biggest thing to hit our class, everybody lugged around their acoustic guitars and would play during recess and lunch time. instead i opted to learn the piano. nirvana's unplugged album came out around that time, everybody knew the opening chords for "come as you are" but fumbled with the rest of the songs. i learned a new word that year "horny", we had an assignment for our media class to play your favorite song and analyze its lyrics, my friend chose lithium, we started singing then the line "i'm so horny" came up, our teacher was peeved, we had no idea why, until an exchange student from canada told us what it meant, that made us shut up.

Weezer- blue album
undone the sweater song was on constant rotation. i was 13 going on 14, my grades were improving and i was suddenly hanging out with the "popular" crowd yet i still felt like an outsider, they liked boys and the boys liked them back, i on the other hand was too fat, too shy and too ugly for them, i started to smoke, my religion teacher accused me of cheating. i was sad but rivers cuomo made me laugh, weezer was different, it was okay to be different, but i didn't know it back then.

eraserheads- ultraelectromagneticpop
the eraserheads changed the perception of OPM (original pilipino music) tagalog songs were suddenly cool and so was chuck taylors. "pare ko" became an anthem for the brokenhearted, kolehiyalas started listening to their songs. we were juniors in highschool and our chemistry teacher was terrorizing us, i had to make a compost pit to pull up my grade. i was excited for summer to come because i was going to the states, i shaved my legs in preparation for the trip and did not regret the decision. got drunk for the first time had 8 shot of tequila and couple of shots of vodka. friendships were broken, new ones were formed. being 15 made me crazy.

smashing pumpkins- siamese dreams
almost everybody in my batch was born on 1979, i was born on 1980 but it didn't matter, "1979" became our song, it became our generation's song. graduation was fast approaching, our class had a lot of problems, a few of my classmates were kicked out, some got pregnant. college applications were filled out, i only took 2 entrance exams and got accepted to both,made up my mind to take up marketing because suddenly i just had to be practical, up to now i still regret that decision. i turned 16 two days before graduation and lost weight. i met a boy and fell for him hard...unrequited love sucks.




Tuesday, February 25, 2003



Music and Me




One of the most treasured memories I have of my childhood is sitting at our terrace at dusk on Sundays with my dad's stereo cranked all the way up, the four of us just sitting down, listening to the music sometimes talking,other times me and my brother doing our homework, but no matter what we were doing we were surrounded by melodies and words from various artists so diverse that sometimes i surprise myself and my friends about my knowledge of certain artists and songs so obscure that you only hear it on the am radio. Music was and still is a big part of my life, i think that's one legacy my father instilled in us. Songs, like certain smells, transports us back, memories can be so vivid that we remember what we were feeling, who was with us at that time, sometimes, even what we were wearing. i just wanted to make a little testimony of how music has affected my past, present and future and also relive certain events in my life through one of the most powerful medium of expression...music (plus our network is down so i can't really "work")




Childhood


Neil Diamond - Sweet Caroline, Superstar, Coming to America

when i was in kindergarten my dad used to travel a lot and i would cry everytime he leaves, so he would play neil diamond records for me so that i won't get hysterical when i wake up and find that he is not there anymore. well what do you know it worked, he would also put it on early in the morning to wake me and my brother up for school, he kept doing this until i was in fourth grade when i broke our turntable by scratching a record 'till the needle broke.

Elvis Presley - Devil in Disguise, Return to Sender
we really didn't have playmates when we were growing up, our house is located in a very busy street so you can't really go out and play, so me and my brother would find ways to entertain ourselves,we would put on elvis' records and he would start to lip synch it and i would just roll on the floor laughing. i particularly liked when he did return to sender because his expression is just hilarious what made it more amusing is that fact that he was around 5-6 at that time but he would know the words to the song, it would turn a boring summer day into something fun and silly


Simon and Garfunkel- Homeward Bound, Mrs. Robinson and the Boxer
i was in sixth grade i got bit by the NKOTB mania so i was constantly playing their songs till the tape broke, however i also started listening to simon and garfunkel on the sly and fell in love with their songs i would listen to it every night before i sleep it made me want to write songs (i started doing it but stopped because i sucked at it and i also threw away all my notebooks) oh, boys were also mean in sixth grade.


James Taylor - Sweet Baby James, Fire and Rain, You Got a Friend
summer before i started highschool, i spent it outside of the city, campaigning for the elections in our province. at night me and my cousins after a long day of going around town would sit outside of our house under the mango tree, fireflies everywhere, not bothered by the mosquitoes telling ghost stories and eating junk food.


Don McLean - Rocky Mountain High, Leaving on a Jet Plane

i have a revelation to make, i took voice lessons while i was in fourth grade, however i was also very shy, so the day before my recital i quit voice lessons because i didn't like the idea of singing infront of an audience and just sang in front of the mirror in my room with a flashlight for a microphone. leaving on the jet plane was part of my repertoire.

West Side Story Soundtrack - Various Artists
this is the first movie (non-animated) that made me cry. i borrowed the tape from my best friend for the summer and i would watch it over and over again. up to this day it still makes my eyes water.



*to be continued





Saturday, February 22, 2003

just practiced a bit of html, man i'm such a dum-dum i still have my notes and it took me an hour just to post a really simple entry. i need to go back to school my brain is getting rusty

CVS for the Single's Soul




i just remembered a funny thing that happened to me while i was standing in line at *CVS just minding my own business, when this tiny old woman appeared from nowhere like a little wood sprite (yes i'm feeling poetic right now) asked the woman behind the counter where she could find the condoms. can you believe that? an 80 year old woman getting a little something something, the visuals i had was too horrible to forget i tried to get rid of the mental picture that seem to be embedded in my cranium and just focus on the fact that this wrinkled being has a more exciting sex life than me a 22 year old woman who is supposed to be at the prime of her youth. i didn't expect that a routine trip to the local pharmacy would change my perception of sex and old age, i left CVS with a little flame of hope burning in my heart, i just have to wait my turn and maybe who knows one of these days i might just get lucky, although by the looks of it i might have to wait 60 years to finally get "some" but i'm a very patient person i didn't come this far just to give up, yes there is still hope ladies and gentlemen, i've seen the future and it comes in a from of an 80 year old woman limping her way towards the "hygiene aisle"... this little life realization is brought to you by CVS (i should get a commission for this plug)



*CVS Pharmacy





Thursday, February 20, 2003

i can't read my posts anymore, they just launched another firewall in the office so i won't be able to check up my blog (so far i'm the only one reading it). i just flew in from california last night and getting off the plane and feeling the brisk cold air of the east coast slap my face made me say to myself "happy days are here again" i was supposed to fly back to dc on sunday, i did not tune in to the news ( bad nikki!!) so there i was up and ready at 4:30 am, waking up my cousin to drive me to the airport only to be told that Reagan National is closed and that DC is buried in snow. i took the news lightly, since monday is still a holiday so i won't miss work, so sunday night i tuned in to the news (i learned my lesson) it didn't look good but i was still optimistic (so far so good on the new year's resolutions) there might be a sliver of hope that the airport will be open, so like a good little girl i slept early and set my alarm for 4 am. 4 am...alarm rang... took a shower... woke up cousin and drove to the airport, by now the people behind the ticket counter recognized me already and before i even went up the counter they told me that the airports are still closed and that tuesday didn't look too good either, wednesday might be a bad time and thursday was the best time to fly out, i had to make a decision immediately since all the seats for wednesday's flight was filling up fast, well i took a deep breath and decided what the heck, i'd rather take my chances on wednesday (refer to new years resolution embrace life with optimism and reckless abandon, see i'm on a roll) i don't want to miss another day of work *rolls eyes* so i got booked for another flight, leaving sacramento at 6:20 am, 20 minutes earlier than my previous flight. the flight was okay no hitches, in fact we were early, frontier airlines was pretty good we had direct tv and the food was tolerable, they served us muffins for breakfast and for lunch we had some wrap and chips. i just realized that february-march isn't really a good month for me to fly, last year i also got stuck in the airport and got delayed for 2 days, this year the big blizzard happened and i was stranded in california (not that i'm complaining, i was wearing flip flops in february!!! how could i be disappointed) for an extra 3 days, hopefully in may i would have better luck. so that was my whole "adventure" i'm now back to reality with snot and phlegm galore souvenirs from sunny california. someone might be reading this blog (you know who you are) better keep your lips sealed (a la maurice arcache my palangga!!!) i'm still waiting for the url to your blog so you better send it to me or else! break na ta!! *muwah*

Wednesday, January 29, 2003

i'm going home in may, yahoo! i finally asked my boss if it was okay for me to take a vacation in may and he said yes. i know it's still 5 months away but i'm really excited. my cousin is getting married and i'm going to be one of the bridesmaids (my first time ever) i'm hoping that i won't be one of those girls who are always a bridesmaid never a bride (although right now i'm heading to that direction) anyway it's always exciting to come home and see all your friends and family. i can't believe that it's been almost a year since i took my philippine trip, however all the memories are still fresh, the sight and sounds are still vivid, i still remember the clothes i wore and what i was doing while i was wearing that particular shirt/pants/skirt, everything's still fresh that it scares me, do i really miss the philippines that much? am i really meant to be here in the states--thousand miles away from my family, is this really what i want? for how long am i willing to stay in my current job, should i quit and start school, should i go back to the philippines and get my masters there or should i just stay here and save up then go to school part time. i am bombarded by these questions all the time, and it's not helping that i'm gonna be 23 in march, being 23 means that i'm not getting any younger and that i should start doing something if i want things to improve in my life. i'm tired of the dormat life i'm leading, i'm tired of whining, i'm tired of being frustrated all the time, i'm tired...please rescue me from this limbo i call my life.

Thursday, January 23, 2003








very interesting reads

Friday, January 17, 2003

my best friend is back home in the philippines, while i'm stuck here in the 20 degree weather at the office doing nothing oh well you win some you lose some. i'm trying to recall what i've learned from the html classes i took last october and so far i don't remember anything, it was beginner's html for goshsakes! and i'm useless without my notes, i need to practice maybe try to review. i haveto catch up, even 10 year olds know html and could design web pages. i'm so far behind it's not even funny.